A weekend by the sea

No words necessary to describe the relief at having our man back for a whole weekend of family fun.

xoxo

Tea with me {and cake too}

If you were to tea with me this week you'd most definitely have to come in the morning.  Our cooling system is yet to be reset and this never-ending heat wave reaches its daily climax by 12pm. You'd find me hot and a little bothered but  bright and cheery enough and dying to sit for a cuppa and a chat with you.

As you walk through from the front door you'll be delighted with the bright and airy space beyond the wide panelled hallway. You might perch on a bar stool while I fluff about in the kitchen and you'll look around you at how open and spacious it is in our new living space. You'll see a few boxes, some half finished projects and bare walls and spaces but you'll like what you see (I hope).

I'd make a pot of tea for us both and we'd sip icey cold water while we wait for it to brew. And of course you'd HAVE to try my earl grey tea cake. Its almost finished and I'll have to fight the urge to bake the same cake so I can try something new for this weeks cake-a-week.

I'm wondering how you are managing in this heat. With school and kindy runs and daily errands and no relief in sight it can be so exhausting. Are you coping ok?

We have just had two gorgeous days at the beach.  We pretended we were away camping (it was too hot to actually camp we decided) and we skipped church and other weekend commitments, packed the esky and hit the waves, just the four of us. It was truly the first time spent together in months and it felt so good. A weight has shifted from my shoulders and I feel like I have my husband and life partner back. He's been so busy renovating our house for so long now. Its not finished yet, but he needs a break and he needs to be with his kids and they with him.  

So I'll tell you how grateful I feel right now. Filled to the brim with gratitude. And relief too. I feel more rested and more inspired.  I might tell you though, how I've felt so spiritually dry for the last few months. I might even ask you to pray for me.  With all the busyness of moving in and out of different places, christmas and the new year starting I've let distractions settle in, I formed unhelpful habits, things like watching (more) catch-up TV which I began using to help survive the stress and loneliness without Blake around.  I've let mindless distractions crowd out my most important relationship.

And now I can't just pop it on my to-do list along with all the housey jobs.

        To do:

        -paint stools

        -make curtains for cubby

        -catch up with God and work harder at being His friend.....

Nope. Thankfully I don't have to try harder or even try to find Him and hope He's still my friend. I simply have to fall into His arms and rest in Him. Then ask Him to help me depend more on Him.

But I do have to set aside time and make time spent reading His word and prayer a priority. Not for His approval but for my own survival and my own joy and to honour Him.

I'd want to know how you find time for Him. Do you remember to pray continually?  Or if you don't believe like I do, from where do you draw strength? Whom do you lean on and where do you find your hope? I'm interested, and I'd love to know.

Thankyou for coming. You've inspired and encouraged me as always. I can't wait for our next heart-to-heart.

I'm linking up with the gorgeous Em at Teacups too for this fortnightly post.

xoxo

Tea and cake

Before we moved home I decided in this little hard working brain of mine that I would not just have a vast array of tea on offer for those who care to visit and stay a while, but I would endeavour to always have fresh cake in the pantry, fridge or oven to share with one and all.

Because tea and cake are just so perfect for one another and I really want them to be best friends around here, along with aprons and smiles.

So I'm starting today with my 'cake-a-week' challenge, and of course I am not starting with a simple chocolate or butter cake.  I'll save the carrot cake and my favourite apple tea cake for another week.  I'm starting out with an Earl Grey Tea Cake, my first ever and I'm a little bit excited because it is gluten free which suits me and my littlest to a tea! And I just LOVE earl grey tea.

I've used a recipe from here but changed it to suit my Thermomix so I'll share it with you so you can share tea and cake with me wherever you are.

You will need:

•               300g of brown rice 

•               150g chickpeas (for garbanzo or besan flour)

•               1/2 Tbsp baking soda

•               1/2 tsp sea salt

•               2/3 cup canola oil

•               1-1/2 cups brewed Earl Grey tea 

•               1/2 Tbsp + 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

•               1-1/2 cups pure maple syrup (I used 1 cup because one bottle only had a cup in it!

I know, there are no eggs or chia seeds in it! My cake is cooking as I type so I am a little worried that I'll be sharing a failed recipe with you, but isn't it great for those with allergies? No dairy either.

So wiz up the brown rice on speed 9 for 30 seconds and set aside. Then mill your chickpeas in the same way (definitely block your ears for this one!)

Add the remaining dry ingredients and mix gently on speed 4.

Mix all of your wet ingredients in a separate bowl and then combine in the thermomix and mix together on speed 5, scraping down now and then. It may take a minute or so.

I noticed two things.

The mixture is very runny! Fingers crossed.

It is an expensive cake to make! I used a whole bottle of pure organic maple syrup and I was ½ a cup short.

Pour into a lined loaf tin and cook on 170 C for an hour or until it springs back when you touch the top.

Once your gorgeous smelling cake has cooled, enjoy it with your favourite tea.

Verdict:  My cake is extra super delicious and perfectly moist and springy! Its too sweet for me even with only a cup of maple syrup, but perfect for my little people. So definitely cut back to one cup or less.

I can't wait to serve some to my friends this week, esp. my earl grey-loving friend Kellie 

xoxo

An imperfect home and a full heart

This morning my friend Sarah popped in for a cup of tea and a peek at our 'new' home. We sipped black tea and munched on my 'rustic' looking almond meal choc-chip cookies while we chatted easily about our surroundings, and about our little ones.  We discussed birthday parties because her little boy's is coming up and my biggest little has been invited to her first sleep over party and lets just say there is only one person around here who is excited about it!*

Sarah, my amazingly talented thrifting friend brought with her the best house warming gift for me: A vintage Atlas for decorating, an Eloise Wilkin 'big' Little Golden Book, and some gorgeous vintage wallpaper which I'll be using to upcycle a chest of drawers. Excited!!

She peeked at my untidy work-in-progress wardrobe and I gabbled about the plans I have for each space to make up for the current disarray.  I noticed all the unfinished paintwork through her eyes and we could have tripped over numerous yet to be sorted 'miscellaneous' piles and boxes.  But there are a handful of corners in our home that are complete enough to make me glad to be here and glad to share it.

 There is enough order in the pantry and the laundry and the bedrooms for me to be content and get on with life.  We wholeheartedly agreed that an imperfect home that still has order to it is much more inviting than a perfect home.  But oh my, you should see the garage and the front lawn, and the study/crafty space.  Blake is finishing our en suite vanity as we speak and then I have a list of shelving for him to tackle.  Its hot hot hot this week in Geelong and the cooling system is not yet up and running and this time last year we were having regular swims at the beach before autumn really hits. I have rugs to make and walls to decorate.  We are keen to get a little more order happening so we can have church here for our new Sunday afternoon meetings.  Its a crazy season for this little family.  I'm glad I have friends like Sarah to help keep me sane.

*Blake and I have been dreading the sleepover parties starting. We feel like if we let her go it will be the start of hundreds of them (huge exaggeration but easily done when one is as mortified as I am), she will want one for her 8th birthday in April (which we will say 'no' to), we don't know the parents very well, and she will come home exhausted and will take out her sugar hangover on us!

xoxo

Tea with me

I have to be frank. It would really be so unlikely that you could tea with me this week! I'd have booked it in no problem and been excited to see you, to show you my home and chat again.  But I'm so utterly exhausted now and I'm not sure I'd be much company.....

And where would we sit? There are half emptied boxes everywhere and the girls have strewn long lost treasures across every surface and chair.

And did I mention how weary and sleep deprived I am?

But I really do need a cuppa and would so love to see you.......

...and I have an idea.

Lets have tea upstairs on my bed.

Its light and clean (the bed that is, not the room...yet) and I can lay back and be sure of stringing full sentences together because my blood flow is even while i'm horizontal.

After we've chatted and sipped tea I'll feel better, I know I will because you'll empathise and encourage and I'll be able to see past myself again. Our little ones will run and play and explore all the new hiding spots and the cubby outside and we'd likely not see them at all as there is so much to do.

I'd want to know how you are and what you've been up to. 

I'll tell you the past week is a bit of a blur but the feeling of being home again on Saturday was my highpoint.  I truly felt like a caged bird being freed. The relief was immense.

Before you leave I will show you around and point out the little bits of loveliness that have already popped up to make me glad. Handmade touches or forgotten treasures I've displayed. You'll see how far we have to go to be settled but you'll get a sense of what home will be like for us in time. Never perfect of course. Hopefully always real and often lovely.

It really is good to see you again. Thankyou for sitting at my bedside for a spell.

Thanks Em for being the best host of this fun tea-linky

xoxo

Why I don't cry

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”
― C.S. Lewis

Its true

I scarcely shed tears

Maybe thrice a year

Instead of  daily or weekly or at least monthly (don’t we all girls?)

My emotions are dulled

Not gone, far from gone

Subdued

I remember times, months of raw emotion

Tonnes of tears

Grief and sadness

But also a deep longing and desperate need for my Saviour

A closeness and sweet reliance

I can’t be wife and mummy like that

But I miss the realness

The longing for heaven

And the unshakable feeling that this isn’t my real home

My mind is altered now

I can see past myself and be friend and care giver

I can make it past the ups and the downs

I can think ahead

And have hope for this life

Still looking forward to the next

Where I’ll be free

Not to cry

But to love more deeply

and feel more freely

This morning I was forced to leave my comfy little nest of tea and chocolate and crochet to go to the docs for a new script.  Every five repeats or five months I run out and leave it to the last possible minute to go in for another one. 

He asked me if it was still going well and checked my BP incase the meds were causing high blood pressure. Mine was perfect as it usually runs low anyway.

I said all was well thankyou and made off with my key to five more months of happy pills. Sane pills. 

I don't even question them anymore. For now, they are an essential part of getting on with life.

But oh how I've fought against them in the past. 

I finally acknowledged my need for anti-depressants after a couple of years of being chronically ill with ME/CFS a good decade ago.  The grieving for the loss of my active happy P.E teacher life had gone on too long and I wasn’t coping with my new life spent largely lying down or desperately trying to regain strength and vitality only to crash back down 100 times worse than before.

My meds have the added bonus of increasing adrenaline and helping alleviate Orthostatic Intolerance (blood pooling below the heart so that you feel faint and unable to stand or sit for long) associated with my illness.

But after two very sick and medication-free pregnancies, there is no doubt that I need them to level out my brain’s chemistry.

I’ve tried and hoped not to need them, succumbing to the stigma that poor mental health is a weakness in need of a better attitude or greater faith.  I’ve been ashamed of needing them and tried self-medicating (or self-UN-medicating!)

But now I’m simply grateful for them.

And I hope I help others who need them feel a little less crazy.

Because we are all abnormal is some way, and having a broken down pathway in your brain is the same as having a broken down leg or appendix or heart.

xoxo

Pain removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul.  ~ C.S. Lewis

A sneaky peek...

I know I know I promised you a sneak peek into our 'new' home three posts ago!

It all just seems to be going at snail's pace and its tricky to get good shots of each room when the windows are still covered in stained protective film and there are dirty painting sheets all over the benches and tradesmen dotted throughout the place.

But here is a tincy wincy peek for you.....

The world's best husband has created the concrete benchtop, still to be polished, and the walls are ready for open shelving  

The two cream pendant lights have been voted out (by me) and I'm hoping to replace them with a little DIY styling....

 Do you see what I mean? Its all so unfinished still.

But we are so close now.

 We are moving in next weekend! Really truly we are. The unpacking will take forever and ever but it will be lots more fun than the packing was four and a half months ago. And we will finally be home.

xoxo