Tea with me

I have to be frank. It would really be so unlikely that you could tea with me this week! I'd have booked it in no problem and been excited to see you, to show you my home and chat again.  But I'm so utterly exhausted now and I'm not sure I'd be much company.....

And where would we sit? There are half emptied boxes everywhere and the girls have strewn long lost treasures across every surface and chair.

And did I mention how weary and sleep deprived I am?

But I really do need a cuppa and would so love to see you.......

...and I have an idea.

Lets have tea upstairs on my bed.

Its light and clean (the bed that is, not the room...yet) and I can lay back and be sure of stringing full sentences together because my blood flow is even while i'm horizontal.

After we've chatted and sipped tea I'll feel better, I know I will because you'll empathise and encourage and I'll be able to see past myself again. Our little ones will run and play and explore all the new hiding spots and the cubby outside and we'd likely not see them at all as there is so much to do.

I'd want to know how you are and what you've been up to. 

I'll tell you the past week is a bit of a blur but the feeling of being home again on Saturday was my highpoint.  I truly felt like a caged bird being freed. The relief was immense.

Before you leave I will show you around and point out the little bits of loveliness that have already popped up to make me glad. Handmade touches or forgotten treasures I've displayed. You'll see how far we have to go to be settled but you'll get a sense of what home will be like for us in time. Never perfect of course. Hopefully always real and often lovely.

It really is good to see you again. Thankyou for sitting at my bedside for a spell.

Thanks Em for being the best host of this fun tea-linky

xoxo

Why I don't cry

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”
― C.S. Lewis

Its true

I scarcely shed tears

Maybe thrice a year

Instead of  daily or weekly or at least monthly (don’t we all girls?)

My emotions are dulled

Not gone, far from gone

Subdued

I remember times, months of raw emotion

Tonnes of tears

Grief and sadness

But also a deep longing and desperate need for my Saviour

A closeness and sweet reliance

I can’t be wife and mummy like that

But I miss the realness

The longing for heaven

And the unshakable feeling that this isn’t my real home

My mind is altered now

I can see past myself and be friend and care giver

I can make it past the ups and the downs

I can think ahead

And have hope for this life

Still looking forward to the next

Where I’ll be free

Not to cry

But to love more deeply

and feel more freely

This morning I was forced to leave my comfy little nest of tea and chocolate and crochet to go to the docs for a new script.  Every five repeats or five months I run out and leave it to the last possible minute to go in for another one. 

He asked me if it was still going well and checked my BP incase the meds were causing high blood pressure. Mine was perfect as it usually runs low anyway.

I said all was well thankyou and made off with my key to five more months of happy pills. Sane pills. 

I don't even question them anymore. For now, they are an essential part of getting on with life.

But oh how I've fought against them in the past. 

I finally acknowledged my need for anti-depressants after a couple of years of being chronically ill with ME/CFS a good decade ago.  The grieving for the loss of my active happy P.E teacher life had gone on too long and I wasn’t coping with my new life spent largely lying down or desperately trying to regain strength and vitality only to crash back down 100 times worse than before.

My meds have the added bonus of increasing adrenaline and helping alleviate Orthostatic Intolerance (blood pooling below the heart so that you feel faint and unable to stand or sit for long) associated with my illness.

But after two very sick and medication-free pregnancies, there is no doubt that I need them to level out my brain’s chemistry.

I’ve tried and hoped not to need them, succumbing to the stigma that poor mental health is a weakness in need of a better attitude or greater faith.  I’ve been ashamed of needing them and tried self-medicating (or self-UN-medicating!)

But now I’m simply grateful for them.

And I hope I help others who need them feel a little less crazy.

Because we are all abnormal is some way, and having a broken down pathway in your brain is the same as having a broken down leg or appendix or heart.

xoxo

Pain removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul.  ~ C.S. Lewis

A sneaky peek...

I know I know I promised you a sneak peek into our 'new' home three posts ago!

It all just seems to be going at snail's pace and its tricky to get good shots of each room when the windows are still covered in stained protective film and there are dirty painting sheets all over the benches and tradesmen dotted throughout the place.

But here is a tincy wincy peek for you.....

The world's best husband has created the concrete benchtop, still to be polished, and the walls are ready for open shelving  

The two cream pendant lights have been voted out (by me) and I'm hoping to replace them with a little DIY styling....

 Do you see what I mean? Its all so unfinished still.

But we are so close now.

 We are moving in next weekend! Really truly we are. The unpacking will take forever and ever but it will be lots more fun than the packing was four and a half months ago. And we will finally be home.

xoxo

Tea with me

If you would tea with me today you'd find me upstairs in a teeny tiny flat above Blake's parents garage. You'd see lots of organised clutter about in every corner and tell-tale signs of the morning rush here and there, breakfast dishes stacked or a stray nightie tucked into a couch.

But its light up here, and there is a pretty view of Newtown. I have every kind of tea you could want, and if you are happy to take me as I am, imperfect but oh so happy to see you, you'll feel right at home.

I'd love to hear all about you and about your day thus far.  What has inspired you or made you sad lately? What have you been dreaming about?

I'll tell you how excited I am to finally move home again soon, to settle and give my girls some space to call their own. To have our own backyard and front yard and garden and to have my own kitchen.  There would be a hint of desperation in my voice because its been so long living out of suitcases and feeling misplaced and waiting and hoping.  I'd try very hard not to complain about the weariness of it all because in the scheme of things there is nothing really to complain about.

You'd see that despite it all I'm happy and grateful and you'd see signs of life and creativity all around me, signs that we can make a home anywhere as long as we have each other, some natural light, tea and pretty things made or found.

I'd so love to hear about your little ones if you have them, and I'd be even happier to see them. Though we have no 'boy' toys I'm sure our small people would be happy to play or draw or giggle over one of my special, secretly healthy chocolate balls.

If we talk books I'll tell you I'm working my way through Victor Hugo's Les Miserables and that it may well take me all year to get through but how determined I am to finish.  If you are from another state or country I'd love to hear about your climate and your favourite season.  I'll tell you how much I dread winter here in Victoria and how the ONLY good thing about it is it brings more opportunities to drink tea. 

I'll tell you I'm a little sad because my 7 year old tells me that no one in her class likes her this year and she feels left out. I know it will pass but it still breaks my heart.

I'm sure you'd cheer me up and empathise with your own feelings, and before you leave we would book in another tea date in a few weeks at my home, maybe even a tea-in-the-nook date.  (or coffee, of course)

Thanks so much for coming.  You've cheered me no end.

Thankyou gorgeous Em from Teacups Too for hosting this fun link.

xoxo

The privileged two

 Our two girls are the most spoilt children I know.

Not literally spoilt as in 'ruined' or 'spoilt rotten'. How often we use the term with or without the 'rotten' after it without realising what it really means. If one of the girls is given a treat or gift I say 'aren't you spoilt?' What I mean is 'aren't you special (or loved)?'

So let me clarify, our girls are the most spoilt {special, loved and privileged} children I know. I'm biased of course. I hope you think the same of your little people.

I've always been so careful not to really spoil them. We don't buy lots of 'things' for them, especially plastic things. We have always been happy with pre-loved or hand-me-downs. We've managed (up until christmas just passed) to keep them 'latest free', latest technology, latest plastic collectables....etc.  Up until now its been elastics and hopscotch and paddle pools and fun with the hose, climbing trees is our favourite, collecting treasures and creating things with what we have.

But what makes them privileged is that they get to spend much of their time at my parents hobby farm 15 minutes from where we live.

Here they learn to grow things and cuddle baby goats and chickens and even ducks, cows and frogs!  There's an old quirky cubby and playground and old bikes to ride. But best of all there are Grandma and Granddad who love them and welcome them anytime for any amount of time (almost).  Grandma has oodles of patience and is ready to teach and watch and share things with the girls and with each of their 9 cousins.  She is always cooking or baking or gardening or sewing. She makes fresh goats fetta and extracts honey from her bees and when Granddad isn't at work he's milking and feeding working on new projects.

I often lament my time not spent there when busyness, energy or routine restrict it. I'll often go a month without getting down to the Mount Duneed property for a cuddle of the goats and a wander. Mum or Dad will always show me a latest addition (or sadly, subtraction) in the paddocks or a burst of growth in the veggie patches.  Its rejuvenating and inspiring, and each new season brings something different to enjoy.

I have vague memories of visiting my Oma and Opa in Tasmania when we were small and watching Opa milk his cow and drinking it for breakfast. I remember playing in a big sloping field with long grass and wild daisys and walking through long dry grass with my cousin and yelling a lot to ward off snakes.  

Our girls' memories will be just as special but far less fleeting as they grow up so close to their wonderful, almost self-sufficient Grandparents.

xoxo

A week of beginnings

So its finally begun! City on a Hill Geelong has started with an excited small group made up of young families, singles, young marrieds and others meeting together to hear from the word, to sing and to pray together. We are a small bunch for now but for that I am thankful. It wont take long for us to grow into the 3 figure numbers and to need a building to meet in rather than our own homes, which for now are cosy and intimate. 

 Its taken over two years for the much talked about Acts 29 plant to kick off in Geelong and we have been excited from the start, with our good friends the Feavers nearby, equally as excited as us and just as eager for our Pastor family The Grills' to finish up at the Kapooka Army Base in NSW where Andrew was Chaplain, hurry on over to the US for training ad holiday time and finally get their butts down to Geelong to 'get this party started'.  

We are all aware that church planting is FAR from a big party.  So we are all glad that the beginning few months will involve mainly prayer, prayer, and more prayer. 

Our wonderful church for the past two years has been super supportive of us and we've made some lifelong friends who are also a major source of support as we move on to where we feel led.

.........

Almost as big a deal is that little Harper Grace started 4 yr old Kindy this week. My baby is getting ready for school! So when our Malya Hope headed off to her first day of grade 3 (the third beginning for the week) we celebrated the first day of the last year of being day-time buddies with a movie in bed followed by our first icecream date.

Genuine choc-mint flavoured happiness right there!

When big sis is away, with her iphone I will play...

I found time to work on the first rug for the 'new' abode.....

..... and be creative with their hair (and mine).

Our beautiful Miss 7 came home on Friday afternoon all aglow with happiness and confidence, telling us about her new friends and how she has the 'best classroom in the school' and how much fun grade 3 is......

And though I'm weary from the earlier mornings, new church meetings, and all the newness-of-everything angst on behalf of my littles, I can only feel glad and thankful for exciting new beginnings, knowing His hand is on it all.

xoxo

Oh BTW the reno peek IS coming, only they wouldn't let me in with my trusty iphone camera this week as the floors were drying!